I’m sitting inside in my semi-warm house, drinking a cup of hot apple cider, listening to the soft sound of rain, mixed with the musical stylings of Jon Foreman. What could be better right? Today, I’ve missed the pre-grad school life. I missed the lazy afternoons after work, being able to come home and do nothing but veg. No homework to work on, papers to write, books to read, just the warm silence of my home and a warm mug of something steaming.
Honestly, I wouldn’t change this opportunity for education for anything in the world. I’ve learned so much and grown so much in the past year, but I am realizing as I begin this second year, that I miss the easy days. While not much in my life was easy, I’ll be honest, there were days that were carefree. Sure I had the worries of work and being a good wife, and things going on at church. But none of those worries went away when I started grad school. They got compounded with papers and reading book after book.
I’ve been going through Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline with the women’s group at church, and this week’s discipline happens to be study. In his chapter on the discipline of study, Foster argues, “Remember that the key to discipline of study is not reading many books, but experiencing what we do read” (pg. 72). The reading of many books is what I’m good at, but the true study of something is what I miss. Understanding the depth of the moment spent on my couch with nothing happening around me but my cat curled up at my feet, a hot drink in my hand (preferably in my Mugg & Bean mug because it bring back so many memories) and the rain outside.
Study is not easy. Neither is the graduate type of study. It’s a privilege that I treasure so much, but it hasn’t made my life any easier. Filling my brain with so many facts, words of wisdom, cultural insights, biblical bullet points, and the multitudes of literary works has aided in my coursework and maybe when I’m done, I’ll be able to say it’s aided my study of things around me. But today, it feels hard, bothersome, and cold.
So while I could be studying right now, I am choosing to study. Study the moment around me. Study the songs of the birds, the puddles on my porch, the way my toes crinkle when I’m cold, the way the soft breathing of my cat brings calm, and the way that God is alive in this moment, studying his own creation. Me.