For class next week, I have to turn in a 5 to 7 page paper on my potential as a development practitioner. I’m supposed to compare me and my personality, style and training to the characteristics of the holistic practitioner discussed in class. My question though, is how? How am I supposed to compare me when I am not sure who me is? I mean, I know me….but do I know me? Everyone says you come out of school, especially Seminary, more confused that when you went in. Which is true to a certain extent. See, everything I thought to be me has turned out to be me. But what about the me that I discovered along the way? Where does that me fit? I don’t think that it’s being confused about me, but not knowing how to be all the me’s that I can be. How do all these me’s fit into….well, me?
There’s the school me. She’s sometimes smart, and sometimes studious, and often times outspoken, regardless of the fact that what she says is not always smart and studious. But she tries hard. Then there’s the wife me. She often is right, and does her darndest to not back down when she isn’t. But she’s easily won over by sweet kisses from a man who makes her melt. Then there’s the family me. She’s a girl who is deeply committed to other women because they teach her more about how to be a woman than anyone else. And no matter what, she’s always going to have the family me somewhere in there. But there’s also the work me. She puts a lot of pressure on herself and doesn’t always get it her way, but she has good ideas and wants to see things grow and change. There’s other me’s too. There’s the organic me, the church me, the reader me, the selfish me, the writer me, the cat-lover me, the actor me, etc. etc. etc.
So how do all these me’s add up to me? I think I’ve figured it out. Here’s my answer:
I. Don’t. Know.
But what I do know, is that I like those me’s. I like all those different parts because they make me me. Do they make me a good development practitioner? I don’t know. Could they? probably. Will they? no clue. I know though, that all those me’s can’t be contained in 5 to 7 pages. Those me’s are big. And they’ve got big plans. The school me, who know’s, maybe she’s gonna become PhD me someday. And that wife me, maybe she’s gonna turn into Mommy Me, and those affectionate kisses are gonna be shared with more than just me. And family me, maybe she’s gonna become a generational me – in a strong line of women of Christ learning how to be everything me is. Work me? She might be something else entirely. Maybe she’s gonna be CEO me!
But in the mean time…I think I am satisfied with just being me. And I’ll try to be me as best I can, but I’m not making any guarantees about my page count.