It’s officially been forever since I’ve blogged. Yes…forever. I know, I know, everyone is busy, but so am I! I’ve also been trying to work on some blogs over at my crafting site, my tinkits, in between school and work. Not to mention it’s the weekend between week 9 and 10 of school, which means it’s paper season! A lot of my mental energy has gone towards researching for and writing my final papers this quarter. And this quarter, I may add, is one quarter away from my graduation, and two quarters away from being a full on Master of Intercultural Studies 🙂 Although, I am not sure one could ever really master intercultural studies….it’s kind of the nature of the degree.
In being my naturally busy self and the realization of my impending graduation, I’ve been practicing saying no this quarter. This word doesn’t come naturally for me. In fact, it’s generally a word I detest. I don’t like being told “no”, nor do I like having to say it. But there are times and situations that just call for it. I’ve realized that graduation is literally right around the corner (14 weeks from today to be exact) and school has to take priority over many things in my life. It’s coming right down to the end and I need all the focus I can get. So I’ve had to say no to a few things, which has been hard. I’ve said no to friends, to family, to certain church events, to people asking me to extend beyond what I am physically capable of at this moment. Another no has been blogging, which has been hard. I’ve wanted to tell the world what I’ve been going through, but I haven’t had the mental (or some nights physical) stamina to eek out another coherent attempt at writing out thoughts, let alone trying to infuse them with feeling. I’ve been keeping up with my regular blogs and also some new ones! It’s also been difficult because a good friend of mine, Chaili has started a great blog that I’ve been keeping up with and her posts are inspiring and making me want to blog more and more, let alone take on more than I can handle! Her blogs have been super inspiring! She works as a coordinator for farmers markets, including her grandfathers own out in Temecula and she works on the farm and has this wonderful lifestyle that I envy. In fact, it’s made me realize something I’ve said no to that has been one of the hardest things so far. I’ve had to say no to something I’ve wanted since we moved in: a garden.
I realized about 3 weeks ago that if I wanted to have a great garden for spring, I should have started my seedlings already….which I haven’t. Nor have we tilled the yard (or even mowed it in a month of Sunday’s), or built the raised beds yet. But honestly, the thought of having to do all that is VERY overwhelming. I was all gung-ho over Christmas break….but I was on a break. I was out of the school/work/church/wife/actor mode. I forgot how daunting all of that is. So sadly, no spring garden for us this year. Hopefully, we’ll enjoy another bountiful harvest of fruits from the grape arbor, peach tree, apple tree, and lemon trees that were already in place when we moved and the blackberry bush I managed to plant over break. In the mean time, I suppose we’ll have to live vicariously through all our other friends who are working on their gardens and raising their wonderful chickens. But this was the choice I made and I am so thankful for the opportunity to have done all that I have. But a part of me is still mournful over what I can’t do but desire to so much.
God’s been changing me into someone who says no. The irony is I’ve tried saying no to him so many times. But in the season I’m in, I’ve learned to say yes to him, and no to everything else….which can really suck at times. But you know what? As much as I’ve learned the art of saying no, I am reminded of how God has perfected the art of saying “yes”. He says “Yes, you are my child”, “Yes, I love you”, “Yes, I have great plans for you”, “Yes, I am going to work in your life”, “Yes, I am going to use your willing heart”, “Yes, I am going to allow you to participate in the great work of my kingdom”, Yes, yes, yes. Granted – there are sometimes “no”‘s, but it’s only because there is a “yes”waiting for me somewhere else. So I’ve been telling a lot of people “no” so that I can say “Yes, God, I am trying to follow you and appreciate the gifts you’ve given me”. And if saying “no” to people, things, activities, events, and gardening means that I can say “yes” to God? Well, I guess that’s really all that matters.